Throwback Thursday: It’s Mr. Right, Not Mr. Perfect


Going through our archives, we came across this great post by Dr. AnnMaria De Mars from July 22, 2013 “It’s Mr. Right, Not Mr. Perfect” that we wanted to share in case you missed it the first time around.

Because it’s not tomorrow until I go to bed and get up again,  as far as I’m concerned this is still technically the weekend so I am going to dispense Mama AnnMaria’s advice on personal relationships. …

I blame the internet.

My grandmother told me (more than once) that if your husband doesn’t beat you, gives you children and pays the bills that’s all you can demand. Anything else is gravy.

While I would not go to that extreme, I think far too many people, both married and single, both men and women are going too far in the opposite direction. They are confused by the fact that there are 173,982 men (or women) that pop up in response to their search for gender+age + location that they can find the perfect one.

I have been married to The Invisible Developer for 16 years. Before that, I was married to a really great guy, who had an accident and died after we had been married for 11 years. (It’s a long sad story.)

My point is that I have managed to do that until death do us part thing twice now, despite fitting very closely the description of Murphy Brown,

“She can’t cook, she won’t clean and I suspect her last boyfriend is buried under the back steps.”

My young, beautiful niece who owns TWO businesses posted on Facebook that after she went on a date with a guy, he sent her a text message saying he was no longer interested in her because he’d sent her a text and 20 HOURS later she still hadn’t responded!

I see this kind of stupidity all of the time from both genders.

“I really care about my body and I can’t see myself with someone who drinks Pepsi.”

Really? Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me?

Let me explain this to you …. Half of those people on the internet are lying about their age and if that picture is them at all it is from ten years ago.  I’m short. Usually the first thing people say when they meet me for the first time is, “I thought you’d be bigger.”

Yet, I know plenty of women my size who insist that anyone they date has to be at least six feet tall. How do you have a height requirement for dating? Men aren’t any better, they often have a weight requirement.

Does this not sound stupid to you? You are looking for someone with whom you will spend the rest of your life, in sickness and in health, to raise children together, pool all of your income and worldly goods, pursue mutual goals that you decide on through communication – and the most important thing is he can reach shit on the top shelf without using a stepladder? What is WRONG with you people?

I’ve written about this before under a post Tech Tip: Marry the Right Person, where I pointed out what should be obvious

“a helpful, knowledgeable supportive colleague who can discuss technical issues with you is worth his weight in gold. And, if you have the added benefit that you are having sex with him, well – duh –  you have the added benefit that you are having sex”.

Emilia and grandpa

A rare sighting of The Invisible Developer

Eventually, my dears, whoever it is that you are dating is going to be wrinkled and grey (and so are you). Are you going to still like each other then? Will they still have your back? Will they spend two hours installing the latest version of Windows while you drive to Hollywood and back to feed The Perfect Jennifer’s cats because she is in New Orleans? Will they buy your granddaughter a lollipop and a candy necklace and go on the Ferris wheel at the pier even though they hate Ferris wheels because said granddaughter thinks it’s amazing?

My point is, once you find someone with a lot of good points, instead of focusing on their flaws (which everyone has, including you), appreciate their good points, marry them and have a good life.

Here is the sad truth … if there is a superb dancer- ski instructor- super-model- cardiologist – multi-millionaire who never forgets birthdays,  with vacation homes in Aruba and Aspen out there – well, he or she can probably do better than you.

One of the darling daughters asked me,

“So, you’re saying that I should just settle?”

If you keep looking for someone who is perfect, you’re going to miss seeing the perfectly good person standing right in front of you. Or, now that I think about it, as I read the dictionary definitions:

1. To put into order; arrange or fix definitely as desired.
2. To put firmly into a desired position or place; establish.

3.b. To establish residence in; colonize:

c. To establish in a residence, business, or profession.
4. To restore calmness or comfort to

 

You know …  to be in a desired position, established in residence and profession, calmness and comfort – settling doesn’t sound like a bad thing at all.  That is #47 of 55 things I have learned in almost 55 years – and now, it being close to 3 a.m.,  I have to go chase The Spoiled One to bed.

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